Like I said, life got in the way. Isn't that what always seems to happen? Five years ago, everything seemed to be going my way. Our family business was running smoothly and my helpful hubby gave me the green light to step back and write. It was what I dreamed of for so long, I should have known something horrible would go wrong.
And it did.
Now, three important people in my life have died, my sales person quit, my husband's health has gone down the drain and I'm back to working full time.
Life is what happens when you tell God your plans. So everyday I pull up my big girl pants, paint a smile on my face and get done what I can. So what if writing happens every night after the late night shows? At least I'm writing. For three months I wrote nothing, not even Facebook posts.
I felt empty. What I really was, was pissed at life. Why do some people get everything their way while the rest of us struggle just to get by? What did I do in a previous life to deserve the crap I've been dealt in this one? Basically, I've been having a major pity party and spreading my 'happiness' every where I went.
As a writer, you want to write all the time. I want the freedom to set my own agenda for how my days are spent. Unfortunately, that's just not going to happen anymore. But I'm getting okay with that. I wrote my first novel working at night, over 100K words in a little over five months for the original draft. So I know I can, but it isn't what I wanted.
So, off I go again on a new dream. Yes I am a writer. Yes I have a full time job. Yes, I want to do both. No, I'm not crazy. I don't make enough money as a writer to quit my day job. Yet.
We have to have our dreams. They power the words and the worlds we create. Without dreams I wouldn't have ever put the first word on paper. Following my dreams has helped my grieve the loss of loved ones and the postponement of my career. I won't stop now. I know if I make it through the valleys, the hills will be so much sweeter.
Be sure to visit other Insecure Writer's on the hop. We love visitors!
Be sure to visit other Insecure Writer's on the hop. We love visitors!
Even as a full-time writer I don't always get to spend my time writing about what I really enjoy. I find myself constantly struggling to find more time to write for my own projects instead of always writing for other people, but bills have to be paid and that's life. We keep struggling and pushing with the hope one day we will see better days.
ReplyDeleteExactly! Who are we without our dreams? People who hear voices in their heads telling them crazy stories.
DeleteWrite on! and thanks for stopping by!
Just stopping by from the IWSG :)
ReplyDeleteIm so sorry honey that you've been through all that :( (((((hugs)))))
Good luck honey, i just KNOW you will achieve your dreams!
xx
Thank you! I can use all the luck I can get. And I will achieve my dreams, through hard work and the belief that it will come about. But some days...
DeleteOh well, accentuate the positive.
Thanks for stopping in!
Life is what happens when you tell God your plans........Love that, and believe me, you are not alone with that thought! Happy to see that your are rolling with the punches despite the constant setbacks.
ReplyDeleteThanks!
DeleteI do have to keep my eyes on the destination and know that there is a plan for my life, all I have to do is step aside and let Him stay in control.
Thank you so much for visiting, come by again soon!
Sounds like you are in a heck of a valley right now, but once you climb back up the view is going to be that much more awesome and worth it. I can relate to trying to fit writing in around full time job and family. It is very hard, but so awesome when you can squeeze in a little writing magic. Without that glimmer of hope, the rest just isn't worth it. Keep writing, even if it's only a page a day.
ReplyDeleteI will keep writing! And thanks for your words of support. Writing is such a solitary thing we tend to forget there are others in our exact same position. That's one of the things I love about the ISWG.
DeleteThanks for 'hopping' by, come again soon!
Sorry to hear of your recent trials. You are one tough gal, and I'd say Life is shaping you into a writer that will win hearts.
ReplyDeleteThank you!
DeleteI certainly hope so!
Come visit again soon.
Most of the time, I feel like a spider dancing on a hot plate. But looking backward can keep us from becoming who we were meant to be. Walt Disney said it best , "...keep moving forward..."
ReplyDeleteThank you for stopping by! Come again soon!
It's so hard to concentrate on writing when your life is filled with other stuff. But the need to be disciplined about writing can actually make one more productive. I think of Anthony Trollope who wrote quite prolifically in spite of having a demanding day job at the British postal service.
ReplyDeleteI'm working on being more organized in my day. What really stinks in when I have a brilliant idea and no access to anything to jot my ideas on. I'm thinking of moving some of my WIP files to an iCloud for ease of access.
DeleteThanks so much for stopping by! Come by anytime.
Hi Nancy! I am a new to the ISWG. I am deeply sorry to hear about your losses and the troubles you've faced. I have often ask myself the same questions as you, especially this one: "Why do some people get everything their way while the rest of us struggle just to get by?" . . . I haven't found an answer to that, nor will I ever. I have suffered from depression in the past and it continues to creep up when life gets hard, as it often does.
ReplyDeleteKeep your chin up, and I am here for you. We all are! <3
Depression is so multi-facted an illness. I have found the best way to keep myself out of the serious blue funk it to refuse to look at what other's have any more. I'm tired of trying to 'keep up with the neighbors'. All I can be is the best I am, anything else wouldn't be me.
DeleteTake care, and come by anytime. I know where you are coming from!
Writing does take a back seat when other things in life start pressing down upon us. Sorry to hear that you are going through a tough time. I am sure this hard time too will pass and things will get better for you.
ReplyDeleteThank you. It's been a long strange trip over the past few years, and if I ever through it, I should be as hard as a diamond!
DeleteTake care!
Oh, Nancy, do I understand where you're coming from. Someone close to me used to say, "Life is a bitch, and then you die." She did. I wonder now if she ever found peace. Because as corny as it sounds, peace is obtainable in any horrible situation. It's about strengthening the mind and soul to overpower the ego. I think you are on your way. Know that each day you'll get stronger and stronger, until one day all this misery will be in your past, and you'll breath deeply again.
ReplyDeleteOne day at a time... my mantra! If I focus on the negative then it will take over. All I really have to do is breathe!
DeleteThanks so much for stopping by!
I could have written this blog 6 years ago. I thought my days of writing were over--no energy, no creativity, and a lot of grief. Time does heal. One baby step at a time. Writing a 100k novel in 5 months is phenomenal in my opinion. Be sure to take time for yourself--time to grieve, time to heal. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteTime to grieve... that's the hard one. I tend to want to box up grieve and save it for when I have free time.
DeleteOf course I do put a lot of that into my writing.
Thanks so much for stopping by and for your comment!
Oh, life. It's so full of twists and turns, isn't it? I'm glad you're back to writing again - and I hope life starts treating you kinder very soon!
ReplyDeleteMe too!
DeleteThanks for stopping by and visiting. Stop by anytime!
I'm so sorry that you've had so much loss and grief.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad that you have found joy in writing again.
Hang in there.
Thank you!
Delete