Thursday, April 8, 2010

If Patience is a Virtue, Then I Have None!

I have come to the conclusion that I HATE TO WAIT!!!

First, I am waiting to be published. That one single process alone would be enough to test the patience of a saint. Nothing I can think of compares to the long term agony of waiting to hear from a publisher whether they think you are good enough to take a chance upon. Granted, they get more requests in a day than I get spam emails, but still...

I spend half my day at my regular job waiting for the mail to come. Just to see if any of the many people who owe me money have sent any. I get tired of tell my creditors, "not today maybe tomorrow." I just want to be caught up again with all our bills. I want to be able to set some money aside to grow old on.

Right now, I am waiting on a customer to return a credit card authorization form. I sent it more than an hour ago. How long can it take to write down a few numbers and fax it back? Now I am going to be stuck in traffic on the way home, still have to drive to the barn (20 additional minutes in another direction) and I had told my daughter we might go out to the tack store in Roswell. CRAP!

That is the part of being a mom I have a hard time with. When I get home, all I really want to do is take a nap! Not drive all over creation running kids here and there. True, my son takes a good deal of this burden by picking up his sister when I ask, but right now his car is broken and I don't have the money or time to fix it.

Have you ever heard the expression, "Just when I got it all together..."? That's how I feel right now. Money is tight, my kids are demanding, my business is having a hard time, the economy stinks, my son needs a job, my daughter is whiny and everything seems like I need to tie a knot in my rope and hang on.

That's when I need to submerge myself the most in my writing. When everything seems to be falling apart, the stories flow. Is there a corollary between suffering and the creative process? Of course there is. Look at Van Gogh. Look at Michelangelo. When an artist is suffering in their own private morass is when the greatest creations are made. Look at the Sistine Chapel. Look at "Starry Night".

Into every one's life suffering comes. How you deal with it is what makes the difference. I need to turn my problems over to my Higher Power, the Living God. Only He will bring peace to my soul. He gave me a talent and I thank Him everyday for my blessings. Now, I need to learn to praise Him for the suffering.

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