Thank You Sir, May I Have Another

Two more interviews. Two more turn downs.

I swear I'm starting to get a complex.

I know it's a tough job market, and there are literally hundreds of applicants for every position, but for crying out loud, I've been searching for eight months and the best I've got is $10 an hour and an entire trashcan of rejections. It's enough to make me question whether I have any marketable skills left after more than 35 years working in the public sector.

A wise person once said to me that all I needed to be was myself and I would never lack for opportunities. These days however I question more and more who I am and what I have to offer to any organization. Sure I'm older than most of those being interviewed, but why do I feel like age is a minus, not a plus?

But then I remember I'm on a journey, and I have no control over how long this road will be. Nothing will be mine before I learn what I must learn to progress to the next phase of my quest. The problem is, I'm not sure what is being asked of me.

A friend at work said, "God is preparing you for what is to come next." Those words frighten me to the core, because what I've been going through has broken me. I am only a fleeting wisp of the woman I used to be, and what I wouldn't give to find that person again. However, the slow path only runs in one direction and a locked door will not open again.

So I will continue paying my penance in purgatory, because that's what I need to do now. I need to win back those things which I have lost and the first of those is myself. Who am I when the lights are out and I'm alone with my thoughts? Not the person I hope to be, that's for sure. My confidence is shaken, my spirit not quite broken, but fragile nonetheless.

Perhaps I will stop looking for a while, and let the wheel of fate turn as she will. I want to be in a certain area, at a certain rate, and those jobs don't come along every day. I need to make sure I am worthy when the time comes. There are a few quirks of my life that needs smoothed away, made right before I tackle the next phase. I'm almost ready to make the leap to the next ledge.

I wait.

And...PIVOT!

Many times in my life I have found circumstances taking drastic, sometimes emotionally devastating turns. The first time I remember this happening in detail was December 1981 - January 1982. Within the space of these two months, my college roommate committed suicide, I was in a horrific crash involving a tractor trailer, and the man I had been dating since high school broke up with me by sending an invitation to his wedding.

For two weeks after I lay on the bed wondering what had I been doing so wrong that God felt the need to crash my world down around my ears. In haste and fear I threw myself into a relationship with more downs than ups. Then I spent two years rectifying the mistakes made in my overwrought mental condition.

Since then these upheaval collisions have only happened twice more: when I left my job in technology to go work for my husband's family business back in 1995, and in early 2015. Unfortunately that particular episode is still ongoing, and while I think I see the exit tunnel, things are still whirling around me like a sand storm.

When I am unsure where to go, or what decision to make, there is only one direction I turn: my faith. It has sustained me when everything and everyone else deserted me, and I give my Higher Power, who is God, all the credit for keeping me sane and focused when much of my life is burning down around me.

We are heading into the holiday season. Regardless of which faith you adhere to, this is the time to focus on others instead of our own selfish desires. If, for 31 days, we can all put our political, religious, or monetary problems on the shelf and bring out the damn Elf. Remember those who need us most: animals still suffering in animal shelters around the country. Take time and adopt, don't spend thousands on a pedigree animal. There are special pedigree animals waiting at your local shelter, I guarantee.

So what is my point? I guess the point is, we have to be flexible when it comes to life, learn to roll with the winds and to replant when the storm is gone. That's where I am right now, replanting. Taking the good and discarding the bad; consider it early Spring Cleaning. Is this where I wanted to be so late in life? Hell no! But it is the life I have, and I want to enjoy every minute remaining to the fullest extent every day.

This December, do a little cleaning of your own. Take all those negative posting people off your Facebook. Life is too short to always be miserable. Learn to tweet, and give inspiration to yourself and others each day. Lord knows we all need inspiration. Volunteer at the local animal shelter, or nearby hospital to hold premature babies as they grow and adapt to this big, scary world.

I guess the point of all this is to say, don't stay in your season of defeat. Stand up, dust off your pants and keep walking. Who knows what is waiting just up ahead?



Don't forget to check out my newest release: "Welcome to the Family", available on Amazon.com, BN.com, and The Wild Rose Press website.
https://www.amazon.com

Hello and Thanks for Holding On...

Well, after being offline for most of the past four months, I have returned. I know all of you were so miserable without my witty observations on life, the universe and everything else, but rest assured I am back and ready to resume my duties as a voice. What have I been doing? Working, writing, and trying to stay dry! This has become the year of living wet in the South. It has rained more days this summer than in recorded history!

Here is a list of the highlights of my sabbatical:
1 - Finished and submitted the first of a five book series in YA. Not usually a field I write in, but my darling daughter is a teenager and I wanted something for her and her friends.
2 - Went back to work on a full time basis at our special events family business. That alone seriously curtailed my blogging, and I apologize deeply for deserting my friends and followers.
3 - Began Book Three of the Guardian Stories - working title: "The Purity of Fire"

When I look at this in print, it doesn't look like much, but trust me - it's been a three ring circus around my life. It seems the more I long for a vacation the more things come up. But in the long run I know it is a good thing. I tend to write better when I feel stressed. For example - I started "Fire" five days ago and I already have over 35K words. As my target for Book Three is 100K, I'm really moving along.

One thing I have implemented is taking at least one full weekend day and going off the grid. I don't go on Facebook, I don't Tweet, I don't even check email. Instead I spend the day interacting with the family, playing with the horses, detoxing from the week. It is amazing how much that one day relieves my stress level. As a side benefit, things with the helpful hubby are getting better since I'm not spending every free moment I have with my nose in the laptop.

Another accomplishment of this recent mental clarity is we have completed the final edits for my next release - "January Frost".


"January Frost" - Evelyn Graham-Frost had it all: a career she loved, a beautiful daughter, amazing business partners, and no personal entanglement. After running away from love at eighteen, she put that portion of her life on hold, preferring to bottle up her pain at the tragic parting from her first love, Sir David Tattinger III, Lord of Grey Cliffs. But a career ending injury has suddenly brought the past into collision with the future.

Returning to Grey Cliffs means returning to the home of her childhood, the place where her parents were tragically killed in a traffic accident. It also means coming to terms with Trey and the dark secret that drove her away. Ten years is a long time to repress emotions, and now in order for her body to heal, Evelyn needs to face what happened that night. The night Trey couldn't protect her.

In the rush to escape her past, Evelyn ran headfirst into the future. But to live in the present, she will have to return to the one place all paths seems to head - back to Grey Cliffs. But whether that includes Trey's arms is an entirely different matter!

I don't have the cover art as of yet, but I will share as soon as I get it back. Anyone out there who does book reviews who would like a review copy, please let me know so I can get the ARCs out there.

Well, that's enough for tonight. Stay tuned for my next rant - Windows 8, Office 2013 and incompatible systems and how they can slow your progress to a crawl.  Thanks for hanging in - I promise I won't flake out again!

Only 11 Days Until the End of the World?

Well, despite my constant complaining, December keeps rolling along. This month is almost half over, there are fourteen shopping days until Christmas and this year I might still be out there come December 24th. First it has been too hot for shopping. I mean really, how can anyone listen to "Sleigh Ride" or "Winter Wonderland" when it it pushing 80 degrees outside and you have the air conditioning running because the hot flashes are getting help.

Now, it is raining and a long overdue cold front is pushing through the state. Rainy days are good for two things: napping and reading. Nothing else seems to get accomplished when the clouds hang low and grey in the sky. The days are still getting shorter and the people in this town cannot seem to handle driving and rain at the same time. So, rather than scare myself out of five years of life, I elect to stay close to home when it rains.

But the tree is up, and the decorations are out. The dining room table is almost free of the year's worth stuff with no other home and my shopping lists are complete. Starting tomorrow the run to the finish line begins. I know which stores I want to hit, so I can maximum my trips to the mall (I like to park near to exits, for quick escape). I've picked up all my layaway, and there is room in the freezer for Christmas Dinner.

Just a quick note to say I hope everyone is enjoying a happy Holiday season, regardless of what religion you follow. I will have some great news (hopefully) coming up right after the turn of the year, and I will be blog-hopping for New Year's, and raffling some awesome prizes. So take a deep breath and remember - this only comes once a year Thank God!

Wow, What a Rush!

Last weekend here in Georgia was magnificent. Clear blue skies, pleasant temperatures - all the right ingredients for contemplating my next story!

Actually, I have three that are battling for attention and it is becoming crowded in my head. Everyone is talking at once, all of them convinced their story is the most important, and I hoped taking last weekend off from writing and just wandering through the woods on horseback would put all the pieces in order. I was partly right.

Ever since childhood I have found solace in the forest. The lack of noise pollution, the quiet acceptance of the creatures, these are just two of the reasons I love the woods. As a teenager I would disappear into the trees behind our house (usually with a stolen pack of cigarettes I'm afraid), to spend hours staring up at the tall Georgia pines and majestic oaks; working out the mysteries of the universe in two hours or less before dark.

Riding through the property was awesome. The weather was just right, my mare figured out the way home and all I had to do was sit back and think. All my characters came forward and presented their cases.

I need to finish the synopsis for book 2 of the Guardian Stories. That is the first priority. Everything is ready for submission and waiting on me to finish the synopsis. But for some reason I am having a block against sitting down and writing, not just the synopsis but anything. My mind is full of snot, compliments of my children and husband, and I cannot put words together in any sort of sense.

There are two other stories vying for attention, who have also fallen victims to the mucus attack. I promised one the first crack when clean oxygen returns to my brain, but the other is going to have to wait, much to their consternation. I hate to say no to the voices in my head, but between making chicken soup for everyone, working two email accounts for work, picking up prescriptions, and blowing my own nose - something has to give.

All these things and more slogged through my densely crowded brain while Penny (the horse) and I tackled the woods and hills of Northwest Georgia. Wind from Superstorm Sandy the previous weekend had removed most of the leaves from the hardwoods. The sun was bright in a brilliant blue sky, with not a cloud to be seen and the air was warm until the light breeze stirred up a chill to brush the skin.

After a while it began to dawn on me to stop being so hard on myself. I need to just allow myself the time to care for my family and myself; something I tend not to do when I am in full on writing / working mode. September and October were crazy at my day job. My crews were out working more than 70 hours nine weeks in a row, which of course meant hubby and I were working those same hours. If my brain is overtaxed, there's a good reason for it.

So I've decided to spend some time doing nothing. I've worked hard, I owe myself downtime, and no one is going to deprive me of the opportunity to clean out the cobwebs and snot. I know many people are participating in the NaNo WrMo challenge of 50,000 words and more power to each of you! Believe me, I would if I could. But that's not where my head is at this moment. While the rest of you write, I'm going to relax, catch up on my reading and work on outlining my next book.

With that goal in mind, I make the pledge to not do any "serious" writing until after Thanksgiving, which is amazingly only one week away. So, for one week I am taking suggestion for books to read. I have a Nook and would like at least 5 books to choose from. If you know of something I should check out, leave me the title and author.

And with that, I'm off for the day. I think taking the pressure off might kick start the healing processes, and that might spread to the rest of my sickly family. And a healthy family for Thanksgiving is the best blessing of all!

Wait..What..Not Again!

As June progressed, I finally got all the turnip greens out of my garden, and it seemed things were well on their way to a fabulous summer. I peeled and chopped and canned zucchini and summer squash while dreams of mountains of beans, rivers of sweet peas and bushels of tomatoes danced him my head. Once again, Mother Nature had other plans.

That's right - we have another drought on our hands. Just as my corn was tasseling and the bean pods were plumping, the rains went away. For more than three weeks, not a drop fell from the heavens. When the grass starts crunching under your feet, then you know it's dry out there.

So, I harvested my cucumbers (apparently they like it hot!), and squash and monitored the damages. Both my helpful hubby and my father-in-law pronounced my garden dead on more than one occasion, only to see me harvest baskets of potential pickles. My corn popped inside the husks but the beans popped out in full force, leading to a basket so full I had to have my son carry it to the house.

At last I relented and pronounced the harvest done. Some seeds were extra prolific (Squash of all kinds, cucumbers, pole beans) while others never ever popped through (carrots, peppers, peas). But for what did come up I reaped gold.

My final tally for the first Reece garden is: 20 quarts of beans, 15 pints of pickles and pickle relish, 5 quarts of summer squash and onions, 10 pints of lemon honey jelly, 8 pints of zucchini pickles, and 3 quarts of pickled butternut squash. All in all not a bad haul.

The tomatoes came in slow and never in any great quantities, so I just shared them with friends and co-workers. We got 5 full grown pumpkins, which were ready by the end of July. I am saving mine for Halloween. The biggest failure was no watermelons. I love watermelon in the summer. This year I had to resort to grocery store melon. Boo.

I gathered seeds from all the produce that I could and I intend to try again next year. No winter garden, I'm not ready to fight another battle against turnip greens. No, we are going to plow, rake, plow, rake, and hope for cleaner dirt next spring. I had a lot of fun, recalled a lot of good times with my father, and I wouldn't trade a callous or twinge in my carpal tunnel for anything else. Good times from the simplest thing - a new memory to join the many from childhood.

Thanks for listening to my summer saga. It might not sound like all that much fun, but trust me. It was a blast.

25 Randon Things About Me...

1) My mother was in a math honor society, my father was an aeronautic engineer and I have problems adding 2 + 2 without a calculator.

2) There was a family portrait of my great-great-great-great-great grandmother where the eyes followed where ever in the room you were standing. I would not go into that room after dark unless all the lights were on and someone came with me.

3) I love old movies.  It is great to share with my parents movies they saw during the 30's, 40's, and 50s.

4) When I was in elementary school, my grandmother used to pick me up from school every day. It started being embarrassing about 5th grade, especially after the police stopped her one afternoon for driving 15mph in a 45.

5) My husband and I have worked together 24/7/365 for 17 years. It works because we are usually never stressed at the same time.

6) When I was a child, I used to think that if I didn't do things in the same order every day something bad would happen to me. That was the beginning of my OCD. I still do the same routine every morning: shower, moisturizer, teeth, makeup, hair. Steve thinks I am really weird.

7) I always wanted a dog as a child, but my mom and dad both had issues about dogs.

8) One of my favorite memories of my dad is from when I was a teenager. I worked at Six Flags and he and I got home from work about the same time every morning (God bless the night shift!). We would sit up for hours and discuss every time from politics to religion to absolutely meaningless crap, but it was great because it was just us two.

9) My brother, sister and I all married left handed people, but only one of our offspring is left handed (my sister's daughter).

10) My first boyfriend was from Cumming and grew up on a farm.

11) I had a near death experience as a child. It has shaped my view on Heaven, God and the afterlife ever since.

12) I love horses and always wanted to work with them until I found out there was no money in it. I love the time I spend volunteering at Blue Skies. Winston Churchill once said "There is something about the outside of the horse that is good for the inside of a man" and i firmly believe that is true.

13) I am scared of certain heights. I cannot dive, but I love roller coasters. I love glass elevators, but cannot stand at the edge and look down. I think it is because I was pushed off a high dive as a child. (By my swim teacher of all people!!)

14) My children are my greatest accomplishments. They are each amazing in different ways. I know they will be close even after Dad and Mom are long gone.

15) I would rather read a good book than watch a bad movie. Do not try to understand my reading tastes - they range from biography to science fiction. One summer I decided to read nothing but Russian novelists.

16)  Soon my first book will be published. I think everyone will like it. At least, I hope so.

17) My sister and I were never close until we got older.

18) If I am your friend, know that I will stick up for you till hell freezes over unless you throw me under the bus. Then - it is on.

19) When we retire I want to spend at least a year travelling with Steve and the dogs in an RV. Afterward we can settle down and live out our days.

20) If I could go back and start again from, say 9th grade, I cannot think of many things that I would change.

21) My favorite sport is soccer.

22) I didn't think this would be as hard as it has been.

23) Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways?

24) I only watch the Super Bowl for the commercials. The game itself (GO Steelers!!!) gets too slow.

25) I love my family and pray for them each every day.

Christmas is Done

The presents have all been opened, the food eaten and Christmas 2011 is already a fading memory. Time to begin looking ahead to 2012. Some people say it will be the last year of our existence. Others say all the 2012 hysteria has been blown out of proportion. With that 'possible' end in mind, I have begun thinking of my resolutions for the New Year.

Number One: I refuse to believe the world is going to end on December 21, 2012. While I do think there might be some changes to disaster prone areas, I don't feel God is going to wipe out the world just because the planets will make a rare alignment. The Bible tells us no man will know when the end is coming, and I think the Mayans are exempt too.

Number Two: I will learn to roll with the punches. The past three years have been filled with loss and pain and confusion, but in 2012 I intend to judge what I get upset about and what I accept as God's will for me. He knows I have a lot to learn about patience and a lot of pride to put aside.

Number Three: There must be more balance in my day. Trying to be all things to all people is only wearing me to a stump. I am God's child, my husband's wife and my children's mother. I am a writer, a thinker and a free spirit. That is more than enough for anyone.

Number Four: My first book will be published next year. I resolve to put all my spare time and energy into making "Catalyst: Guardian Rising" into a success, as well as working on the next books in the series. It is what I have wanted since I was a child. I pray that God approves and blesses this career change.

Number Five: Above all, I resolve to be happy. I've been happy and I've been sad and happiness is infinitely more satisfying. But happiness is also a choice, one that I intend to make more often.

If 2012 is to be the last year of our existence, then it shall be a glorious one. If not, then it will still be glorious. The choice is mine.

A Hint of Fall in the Air

The past few days have been blissful here in the South. Mornings arrived with a chill and a hint of the coming change of season. They continued as clear days without the wisp of a cloud anywhere in sight until finishing  in glorious color with sunset and the return of a chill. These and many more wonders are the reasons Fall is my favorite time of the year, especially in this neck of the country.

Soon it will be apple festival time and craft fairs and funnel cakes will abound. Friday nights will be for high school football and Saturdays for watching horse shows and playing with my ponies. Sundays are for family and church and catching up. Which will bring up back around to Monday and more work waiting and resting up for Friday again. The cycle of life spinning another year from the threads of life.

I don't tend to get much work done in the fall. Outdoors brings so much more than the house, which I will soon be resigned to when winter begins his reign sooner than I will be ready. But for now, bring me fall. It brings the contentment my heart longs for, the harvest of the summer complete. Time to make preparations for my winter projects.

The years fly past faster every year. The children grow and begin going their own ways. Helpful Hubby and I both grow older and greyer each birthday and Christmas morning gets later every year.

But maybe I am only entering my mid-life crisis. I will accept that. Soon I will be at the jumping off point, and I can feel myself gathering to scream inside. I have a year to get ready for the big one so if I am going to crazy it needs to be soon. Maybe after fall - I can't miss my funnel cake fix.

If Patience is a Virtue, Then I Have None!

I have come to the conclusion that I HATE TO WAIT!!!

First, I am waiting to be published. That one single process alone would be enough to test the patience of a saint. Nothing I can think of compares to the long term agony of waiting to hear from a publisher whether they think you are good enough to take a chance upon. Granted, they get more requests in a day than I get spam emails, but still...

I spend half my day at my regular job waiting for the mail to come. Just to see if any of the many people who owe me money have sent any. I get tired of tell my creditors, "not today maybe tomorrow." I just want to be caught up again with all our bills. I want to be able to set some money aside to grow old on.

Right now, I am waiting on a customer to return a credit card authorization form. I sent it more than an hour ago. How long can it take to write down a few numbers and fax it back? Now I am going to be stuck in traffic on the way home, still have to drive to the barn (20 additional minutes in another direction) and I had told my daughter we might go out to the tack store in Roswell. CRAP!

That is the part of being a mom I have a hard time with. When I get home, all I really want to do is take a nap! Not drive all over creation running kids here and there. True, my son takes a good deal of this burden by picking up his sister when I ask, but right now his car is broken and I don't have the money or time to fix it.

Have you ever heard the expression, "Just when I got it all together..."? That's how I feel right now. Money is tight, my kids are demanding, my business is having a hard time, the economy stinks, my son needs a job, my daughter is whiny and everything seems like I need to tie a knot in my rope and hang on.

That's when I need to submerge myself the most in my writing. When everything seems to be falling apart, the stories flow. Is there a corollary between suffering and the creative process? Of course there is. Look at Van Gogh. Look at Michelangelo. When an artist is suffering in their own private morass is when the greatest creations are made. Look at the Sistine Chapel. Look at "Starry Night".

Into every one's life suffering comes. How you deal with it is what makes the difference. I need to turn my problems over to my Higher Power, the Living God. Only He will bring peace to my soul. He gave me a talent and I thank Him everyday for my blessings. Now, I need to learn to praise Him for the suffering.

Another Month Slides Into the Dust

Well, two more days and March 2010 will be history. Let's look at what has happened around the globe this month. The Democrats ramrodded a health care reform bill through Congress even though 85% of Americans don't want it, the weather went wacky all over the country dumping record amounts in the NE, and I have still not heard from any reputable publishers about CATALYST.

The first item is one of the three areas I choose not to discuss in public. The other two are religion and the Great Pumpkin. But, if the general population has not figured out we are rapidly sliding down the hill toward becoming a Socialist nation then they deserve what they get. I highly recommend reading Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged to anyone with a mind still capable of making independent decisions. It will give your life a direction and affirmation.

As for the weather, Mother Nature has obviously hit menopause. I would assume we are heading toward global climate change on a magnitude not seem in humanities lifetime. Does that mean we are the cause of this change? Not completely. I think these cycles of the earth are normal. God set into motion a living system, complete with chaos theory. Free will is not confined to people.

I am working on a new book. Nothing related to science fiction or fantasy, this book is in honor of my daughter and our two horses, Bella and Penny; and all the other horses who find themselves in rescue centers. If you love horses, then join the movement for responsible breeding of horses, especially Thoroughbreds. The reckless search for the next great racehorse unfortunately leads to many wonderful not so great horses have to find homes. I will never let I horse I own or care about be sent to the kill pens.

My closest friends came for dinner Sunday to catch up and provide support for my son's godmother and her daughter. Stacey lost her husband last year to ALS, and there are still some sore spots, but it was wonderful for them to come up and enjoy some fellowship with old friends. I pray for her everyday.

My husband has to have tests done tomorrow first thing for his heart. I ask everyone to pray for his protection and that nothing extreme is wrong. Updates to follow as I get them.

What do you mean it's March?!?!?

Just yesterday I was watching the countdown to the New Year. Today I realized it was the end of the first week of March. What happened to January? Did I sleep through it? And February - did I blink and it disappeared? Ever since I was little people told me time flies as you get older but passing at the speed of light is ridiculous.

When I am writing, time seems to move in slow motion. There is never enough time for me to get everything accomplished I have laid out. But I push forward. If I am not writing other things get attention but I always feel "I should be writing". Is there a correct balance when you are a wife and a mother and a friend and all those other hats that women tend to heap upon themselves?

When women do things which enrich themselves and not their family, are we being selfish? I learned a lot time ago I cannot be responsible for any one's happiness except my own. However, as a corollary to that statement, if I am not happy I do not have the right to inflict my misery on others. So I write. It makes me happy, which in turn makes me a happier person for my husband and my children. So - am I selfish or am I doing my best to make a better family life?

I propose I am making my home happier. Because - if Momma ain't happy...